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Opening up About Miscarriage – My Personal Experience

Miscarriage is a difficult topic. Though 1 in 4 people go through it. In this blog, I share my experience as well as give some advice on how to get through it.

My Story 

In 2018 I became one of the statistics. The 1 in 4 people who suffer a miscarriage. So I thought I would try opening up about my experience.

I got pregnant quite quickly, which came as a surprise. I’d known people very close to me who had fertility issues.

When I fell pregnant in November 2018 I was over the moon. I saw those two pink lines and immediately started dreaming of the future. We were moving house in January and I had already started mentally decorating the nursery.

I didn’t feel sick. Or have food aversions or cravings. I remember wanting to eat bread, but that was all I think. I just guessed I was one of those people who didn’t get lots of symptoms. I kind of wanted some, just so I felt pregnant! 

It was December so we planned to tell family as we saw them over the festive period. We put a picture of the positive test in crackers and surprised everyone! It was a really special moment. 

The day after boxing day, I was about 8.5 weeks, and I noticed some bleeding. I put it to the back of my mind and carried on. Over the next few days and NYE the slight bleeding was still there.

On New Year’s Day I called the Midwife who said as long as there is no cramping not to worry. It was not uncommon to have bleeding. 

I was due back at work as a full time PT with clients and two classes to teach on the 2nd January. That morning I noticed that the blood was bright red. I knew something wasn’t right.

My husband googled it and said it was normal… But I wasn’t convinced this was.

I went about my day, feeling very anxious and worrying about what was to come. I called the Doctor who called me in when I finished my classes. She was great. She booked me in for a scan the next morning at 9am.

When I went home the cramps started. I curled up on the sofa, watching crap on TV and crying. I knew this wouldn’t end well. It was an uncomfortable night, let’s say. 

The next day was the scan. At the scan they said they couldn’t see anything. Which I knew would be the case after the night I’d had previously. 

The nurse took me and my husband into a room where I did a pregnancy test and a blood test. There were lots of tears. 

I had to have a few more blood tests over the next week to check my hormone levels were going down, not up. It was painful seeing those positive pregnancy tests knowing it wasn’t the case at all.

How to talk about your own miscarriage 

It really helped me to talk to people about what happened. I am not great with talking about feelings but to be honest, going through this really made me open up about things.

When my mum was visiting we did a puzzle and I found it was a great way to talk. There’s no eye contact and you can just chat while you focus on something else. Another great way is walking or driving. This takes the pressure off.

My advice on coping with a miscarriage 

  • Be open about how you are feeling with your partner, family or friends. If someone makes a comment about you talking about it too much then you don’t need that kind of person in your life (this actually happened to me!) 
  • You can also find support groups on Facebook and forums. I found the podcast with Izzy Judd was really helpful and following people on socials who were going through the same thing.
  • I unfollowed or hid people on socials who were announcing pregnancies. It just felt too painful. I was happy for them, but sad for myself and I just didn’t need to see it. I actually spent some time off Instagram and Facebook as pregnancies seemed to be popping up every day! 
  • I remember wanting to ask someone when I’d feel better. How long will I feel this empty, sad, angry feeling? Not that anyone could have answered me, but I just needed to know! Turns out, like any grief, you don’t forget but time does help heal.

How to talk to someone who has had a miscarriage 

It’s really tempting to try and make someone feel better by being positive and trying to come up with reasons why it happened. 

The best thing you can do is to listen. If you need to say something, say you’re sorry that it happened to them. Tell them it’s shit and you are here to listen.

DON’T say:

  • At least you know you can get pregnant
  • You can try again
  • It won’t happen next time
  • It wasn’t meant to be (I HATED this one)
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